


Fearless is having doubts

by PurpleHazeGirl



Series: The Taylor Swift x Tessa Virtue Project [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Steamy times, a lots of AUs, part 2 of a master project, tags to be added as I publish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 06:22:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16848781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleHazeGirl/pseuds/PurpleHazeGirl
Summary: Second part of the fanfic series of Taylor Swift's music reflected on Tessa's life. This part is focused on the 2008-album called "Fearless" and its 19 tracks. One chapter for each song.Most recently published: Fifteen (slight angst, 2008)





	Fearless is having doubts

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again. For those who know my work over here, I shared that I wasn't going to continue my solo project, but had another one on the works. And this is the project. 
> 
> The idea for this whole project came into me when I remembered a photo of Tessa wearing a 1989 t-shirt when she arrived at South Korea for Fantasy on Ice or Dreams on Ice (can't remember now) and a some tweets about "Shake it Off" made me think that she could be a fan and maybe even a swiftie *side eye emoji*. And as a swiftie myself, I know that a lot of Taylor's songs are really relatable and I started wondering if it was the same case with Tessa.
> 
> I began to write this chapter on last Friday morning, after those Thrusday's night photos came out, so be warned of the angst tones because this was my way of dealing with my sadness (and PMS hormones), because writing is my go-to way of coping with things in general.
> 
> Anyways, I have to thank: Cas and Doris for being my betas on this chapter, and Mona, Melissa, Ana, Mags, Bee, Carla and Eve for the support. Also, I need to thank Orlissa (a friend from another fandom) that allowed me to use this idea of getting Taylor Swift music and using them for one-shots.
> 
> And if Tessa and Scott find this, I'm sorry but my creativity got the best of me and came up with this!
> 
> Here goes nothing...

November 11th, 2008. It was a day Tessa was really anxious for, and not because of skating, due to being subjected to bedrest after the surgery on her shins. Over the late summer and early fall, when the pain, the physio sessions and the ice bags were her constant companions, she managed to catch up with TV shows, movies and pop culture.

That means she saw what went down at the 2008 VMAs: Britney Spears coming on top winning awards with “Piece of Me”, the host’s stupid jokes over politics and the many musical performances that happened through the evening,... And a few days later, she read some news on gossip websites about Joe Jonas breaking up with Taylor Swift over the phone, on a 27 second call.

Being born in the same year as the singer made Tessa search for her music, feeling sympathetic with the girl. She found out that Swift had announced her second studio album, entitled “Fearless”, as well as some achievements of her debut album and career so far. She listened to the songs the singer had released so far, feeling impressed that a girl with a life so different from hers (a country singer that writes such personal lyrics about her life) and yet so similar (moving to a totally different city just to pursue her dreams and facing adversities all around) made the Canadian understand the American with three-minute tracks.

Now that the release day of the long awaited album was here, the 19-year-old was excited to have another buffer with the absence of skating and a certain person that assured her countless times that would be there for her when the anesthesia effects passed. He didn’t fulfill that promise and that was the main reason why she didn’t call or text him. It has been almost a month since she went back to Canada for the surgery and she didn’t bring herself to care enough to know how he was doing without her by his side in training sessions.

Tessa woke on that Tuesday morning still groggy with sleep and medicine she has to take until it marked two months since the operation. She heard two knocks on her door, the way her mom usually announced her presence into her bedroom. Her mother, knowing better than to start a conversation with a daughter before she's really awake, just set a cup of coffee on the bed side table she used the most, gave her a sympathetic smile - with a look that said _“come downstairs when you're ready”_ \- and left the room.

The girl slowly got up from her bed and made her way into the ensuite bathroom, going through her typical morning routine, and then returned to bed, making herself comfortable under the blankets. She grabbed the mug in one hand and her phone in the other.

Unlocking the device with the password (8789), for what she made a mental note to change because soon enough she would be returning to the US and _he_ knew which code to use to repeat her same action, she tapped on the iTunes icon, knowing exactly which album she wanted to purchase. The search wasn't long since her choice was already appearing in the top 40. _Guess people were really waiting for this, eh?_ , she thought to herself.

While the record was being downloaded on her device, she sipped her beverage before it got cold and and went to find her trusty headphones in the drawer of her nightstand. She took her time connecting them to her phone, settled again in her warm cocoon, and then pressed play. She recognized the first guitar sounds from the album’s title track instantly, as it was first released as a promotional single the previous month. The tune came and ended, much like her mug’s content, and the second track started.

Tessa read its title, “Fifteen”, and couldn’t help but feel the flood of memories from the age the song talks about - moving to a different country and different coaches, a whole new environment for her to deal with and live on it. She paused the music on its first seconds, taking a deep breath to suppress the emotions threatening to overtake this quiet moment where she just wanted to enjoy the album. She restarted the song, smiling over the coincidence of its first line and action she just did to calm herself.

By the time the first chorus was ending, she couldn’t help by feel how personal the song was and how close to her own experiences it was. And the bridge came on.

_When all you wanted_

_Was to be wanted_

_Wish you could go back_

_And tell yourself what you know now_

 

_Back then I swore I was going to marry him someday_

_But I realized some bigger dreams of mine_

_And Abigail gave everything she had_

_To a boy who changed his mind_

_And we both cried_

She couldn’t believe how close to her heart this part of the music was, but held her reactions until it reached its end. And when it did, she pressed pause again and started processing the emotions flowing through her after listening to all those lyrics being sung.

She thought of the accuracy of those lines hitting her right where she had bottled so many things from when she was fifteen up to her current age. The desire to fit in with the other girls from the rink or from school, since she was considered one of the most quiet and shy girls of both places, if not the only one. The focus on getting a new element right on the first attempt and feeling frustrated that she couldn’t get it right. The confusion and physical pain she felt since her shins decided to give up on her during practices and gym exercises, making it unbearable to do what she loved the most: skate. The emotional pain she was currently feeling over the promise broken by the one person she thought would stand by her in difficult times as much as he had in happy times.

She’s so into her own mind that she doesn’t even noticed the tears coming down her face and falling into her hands still wrapped around her empty mug and her cellphone. After placing both things on bed table, she dried her tears before noting someone had slipped inside her bedroom.

“Tess…” She looks up and sees her sister looking down at her with a worried expression on her face. “Why are you crying?” Jordan knew all about her sister’s heartbreaks and distresses as much as Tessa knew about her own.

“Jord, you’re probably going to think I’m being silly…” The woman cuts her mid-phrase, clarifying things.

“Hey, if you’re crying, it’s probably an important matter considering your whole world turned upside down these past few months. You earned the right to get bothered and cry over ‘silly things’.” Jordan air quoted the last part, making her little sister giggle with her tone. Tessa moved slightly to one side, making room for her sibling to join her on the bed.

“Taylor Swift released a new album today and I was listening to it, and the second track, Fifteen, hit a bit too hard on me.” She explained. “So, yeah, I’m crying over music lyrics.”

“Oh, I see.” Jordan commented, nodding her head in understanding. They stayed silent for a moment, enjoying each other’s company, when she spoke again suddenly. “Can I listen this music that made you feel emotional?”

“Yeah, sure.” Tessa reached for her phone, setting it to replay the song and giving her one of the headphones.

Both sisters stayed silent while the music played through the headphones. Halfway through it - around the time the second chorus was playing -, the younger woman noted that her sister grabbed her left hand into her right one, lacing their fingers and giving a gentle squeeze. When the last lines were sang by Taylor, Tessa looked at Jordan and saw that there were tears on her eyes.

“C’mon here, Sam.” Jordan pulled her into a tight hug, breathing heavily against her, while Tessa herself felt a new wave of tears wanting to spill for her eyes but fought against it. After many moments passed, the sisters separated and settled back side by side.

“Okay, I get now why you were crying.” She stated, drying the remaining tears on her sweatshirt sleeves. “It talks so much about your life, even though she has a life completely different from yours.”

“Yep, it does.” Tessa nodded, agreeing.

As they continued to listen the remaining tracks of the album, Jordan voiced a  thought that ran through her mind with Taylor’s lyrics. “What kind of sorcery is this?”

“If you mean her lyrics, I think it’s the sorcery of music and empathy, apparently.” Tessa stated and then started laughing. Jordan soon joined her on the laughter attack.

“Okay, okay…”  She calmed down from laughter. “But jokes and emotions aside,” she pulled Tessa’s hand to get her attention, “you’ll get back to Canton soon and I wanted to make sure that you fully understand you _can_ count on me, alright? You can share anything with me: the good, the bad, the random and the pains. I’m always a phone call away, Sam.”

Tessa felt a new wave of tears pooling into her eyes, but this time they were for gratitude for sister and her mother, who were there by her side for anything and everything. “Yeah, I know that, but thanks for the reminder, Jo.”

~

When Tessa returned to Canton, a month later, still feeling unsure if the surgery really worked, she at least had a new resolve in her mind: no man is going to get in the way of her dreams.

And with that, she took a deep breath and walked inside the rink.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked it and feel free to come chat with me on the comments section!
> 
> P.S.: I added the "Sam" reference because Tessa once she said in an interview that her sibling thought her name would be better fitting for a cat instead of their baby sister and named her Sam.


End file.
